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El Paso’s Crookedly-Singing Mayor

Saturday, September 18th, 2010

Mayor John Cook, sometimes slurred as Mayor Crook (but only because nearly everyone around him is convicted, under investigation, or suspected of corruption), wants to "annex" Fort Bliss.  He wants this so as to take advantage of the allegedly massive tax base that exists on the Army post.  So we made a song that we hope sums up the nature of Crook, El Paso and… why, yes — why the local guvmint has a problem paying first-responders their due.  It's because Crook & Co have squandered the city treasury on misc. silliness.  Enjoy!

 

 

THIS POST IS MY POST

 

CHORUS

This post is our post, this post is my post

From Cassidy, to Biggs Airfield

From the Dyer redline, to McGregor Range

This post was made for taxing you

 

As I was walking Spur 601

I saw above me an Army sign

I saw below me a tax man sign

This post was made for taxing you

 

CHORUS

 

I've sang and stumbled and I've slept with hoodlums

Ethics Commission and drug-soaked buddies

And all around me, corruption cases

This post was made for you and me

 

CHORUS

 

The dollars shining as I was thinking

My failures growing and charges pending

How could I pay them, the local cops

This post was made for you and me

 

CHORUS

 

As I was ploddin'  -  I saw a sign there

And that sign said – 'corruption free'

But on the other side… it didn't say nothin!

Now that side was made for El Paso!

 

CHORUS

 

In Magoffin Alley – where we began

Near to my office – I see my people

Who wonder how, we spent it all

And if this post's still made for you and me.

 

CHORUS (2x)

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Posted in Army, El Paso, El Paso Politics, Fort Bliss, Humor, Military, Parody, Politics, Texas, Uncategorized | Comments Off

Traffic Cams? Traffic Shams

Wednesday, January 7th, 2009

Pinol County, Arizona sheriff ends traffic camera nonsense: thinks their main purpose is to make money.

Now, this is change we can believe in.

Besides being a naked attempt by less-competent local governments to make more money to make up for mis-spent money, traffic cams increase the chance of rear-end accidents.

You ought to see Redd and Resler these days. Paranoid people, afraid of getting their West Side SUVs photographed, are honking like mad at the less-than-Ferrari-like turns of people in front of them. It’s laughable, until it’s your turn in the turn lane.

The traffic cam scam has overtaken the City of El Paso, because of, well, an above-mentioned reason. It’s interesting how the companies who install the technology market the technology. In fact, it’s still probably not too late to buy into these modern-day snake oil salesmen. Their stocks are still looking good, even for short-term gain sharks. And they have plenty of podunk towns to ride into, selling their product with all the charm of Wild West snake-oil salesmen.

The best thing the City of El Paso could do would be to remove the traffic cams at Redd and Resler (for a start), so that all the Yuppies who live up there, and all the normal Upper Valley people who drive up there (leaving, unfortunately, their high-class Upper Valley haciendas with the plastic-and-wood benches out in front, even for a short time), wouldn’t be so stressed by the unnatural driving environment that these cameras create.

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Posted in El Paso, Law Enforcement | Comments Off

El Paso’s 2008 Best Restaurants, Courtesy of Steve’s Gastronomic Homepage

Monday, January 5th, 2009

Steve’s Gastronomic Homepage is hands-down the finest food blog in the El Paso area (OK, that’s not saying much since he pretty much owns the space, we just eat in it). But besides, it’s about a thousand times better than you know who posting you know what at the El Paso Times. Steve has posted his “Best Of” for El Paso dining in 2008.

It seems he’s in Oklahoma much of the time these days, but his local reviews still ring true for this year, in my opinion.

Chopes, check.
Tacos Santa Cecilia, check.
Los Jarrones, check.
Carnitas Queretaro, check.
L&J, check.
Little Diner, check.
Moon Star and Moon Day, check.
True Thai, check.
India Palace, check.
Hello Pizza, check.
Bella Sera, check.
State Line (ribs), check.
Cattleman’s, check.

I’d go a little different with a few places. I like Pho Tre Bien for pho; and I like Frisco’s better than Roscoe’s because of the better dining room (I’ve heard some rumors about how Frisco’s started, but don’t really care once I dig into a cheeseburger basket).

Sadly, as Steve thought, Edelweiss is closed. The dining room was horrible, but geez, the food was excellent; take it from a long-time Germany resident. I’d like to hire that cook to move into my house. Well, maybe not, because I’d rather hire whoever is running the spit at Tacos Santa Cecilia.

Now I gotta check out Cafe Mayapan.

You ought to check out Steve’s El Paso restaurant reviews; they are remarkably complete, with a rating system, lots of photos, and none of that high-falutin’ language about “triumphs” and so on that is used by you know who posting you know what at the El Paso Times. This 2008 roundup is better, for that matter, than the Times’ vote early, vote often, “Best of the Border” extravaganza, even though yours truly benefited from it (no, we didn’t vote for ourselves, mainly because since we can’t afford to hire the spit guy from Santa Cecilia, we certainly can’t afford to hire a Java guru who would allow us to out-vote and beat Jay Koester and Roy “Mr Multimedia” or better, “Blog-H8TR Blogger” Ortega. Or for that matter, don’cha know, that triumph of a you know who posting you know what about El Paso dining at the El Paso Times).

Well, at least, Steve’s 2008 review really is a triumph. The El Paso Times ought to hire him.

Because, you know, I can’t afford to.

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Posted in El Paso, Food, Mexican, New Mexican, Restaurants | Comments Off

El Paso Pirates and Wealth Redistribution

Sunday, November 30th, 2008

Looks like Barack Obama’s plan for “wealth redistribution” is nothing new. Pirates off the east coast of Africa are getting their redistributed dosh.

I’m waiting for the government to drive up to my high-class hacienda-style villa in the Upper Valley, the one with the plastic-and-wood bench out front, to redistribute the bench, and my wealth, somewhere elsewhere.

Oh, wait. That’s already happened, with my property tax being redistributed to Mexican schoolkids looking for a better future, and to American schoolkids who don’t care to pass the TAKS.

I don’t like the state of my property taxes.

I’m glad the bench is gone.

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Posted in El Paso, Texas | Comments Off

The Real Thanksgiving Location? San Elizario, Of Course

Wednesday, November 26th, 2008

Newfoundland thanks? A New England Thanksgiving? I say Yankee Thanksgiving Shmanksgiving.

Everyone around the border knows that the real first Thanksgiving on what is now US soil was celebrated in what is now San Elizario, Texas. Texas Almanac tells us a good story.

Some hee to Plymouth and some Canucks tout Newfoundland as the birthplace of the American Long Weekend. Why Canadians are all about this I have no idea, since they spend most of their political lives trying to avoid being the tophat of the USA even while their talent drains, like water down a sink, into the Lower 48. Nevertheless, all may enjoy their debates as they suck down turkey legs and watch jibbling cones of canned cranberries being served.

But let there be no debate that there is some debate around and about the well-set tables of America’s Thanksgiving, besides the traditional Auburn-Alabama football rivalry (which, as a matter of fact, dwarfs all other trivialities about who-came-first and where-they-celebrated, and who-the-hell is Ohio State). HNN throws a few myths like pies into the face of traditionalists. Yeah, they didn’t wear belt-buckles on their hats; we all know that. Who would? Now, this Puritans-like-sex thing, that’s worth a federal grant to research. Ain’t it?

UPDATE: The origins of the holiday, vice the first feast, are provided here. It’s interesting because history should put to rest the irritation in liberal circles over eeevil Pilgrims imposing themselves on Native Americans back in the day; for which the current solution is to ban kids from playing dressup.

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Posted in El Paso, Food, Migration, Texas | Comments Off

Your Tuesday El Paso Corruption Update

Tuesday, October 14th, 2008

Former National Center for the Employment of the Disabled President Bob Jones was arrested today, along with former NCED employees Ernesto “Ernie” Lopez and Patrick Woods. Woods was an NCED board member. Newspaper Tree is also covering the story.

With that, it’s time to update the corruption link chart. It’s below. I suppose that, based on this incomplete chart, one could say this gets closer to El Paso Mayor John “John” Cook, but that’s a faulty assumption. Links don’t necessarily mean links, if you know what I mean. So far as anyone knows, Cook’s only secret indictment is about his singing and his appearance of being kind of a willing tool. But looks usually deceive when considering politicians of greater or lesser means, talent and motivation (see Joe Wardy).

It’s almost like there are two prosecutorial lines of attack right now. There is NCED, and there are the outliers around the County apparatchiks.

Finally, in these nervous election times, with scandalous election fliers arriving in the mailbox like letters to Harry Potter down the fireplace, one notes that Dee Margo finds a place on the chart (not linked to anything) while Joe “traceofdoubt” Moody is confined to apparently slagging off military members. Can’t remember who can’t remember where he lives, but in the end, whether tainted by corruption or not, both Moody and Margo are tained by being nincompoops of the general sort.

Both of them make shady El Paso roofing contractors look like candidates for sainthood.

So here’s the latest update to the corruption chart. Clicky once to see a larger chart. Clicky twice to super-size your order:

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Posted in Democrat, El Paso, El Paso Politics, FBI, Law Enforcement, Politics | Comments Off

Your 01 September El Paso Corruption Update

Monday, September 1st, 2008

Former El Paso Independent School District Trustee Sal Mena Jr. was arrested by the FBI on Friday. He has long been associated with the ongoing El Paso corruption investigation undertaken by the FBI. An eight-count indictment was released; gory details at the link.

Mena Junior is the first person indicted for corruption in the case; others have pled guilty.

Naturally, according to the El Paso Times, Mena Junior could not be reached for comment: his cell and home phones were reportedly disconnected (and no Times reporters know where he lives to get out and do some door-knocking, I guess).

Mena’s indictment reads like a laundry list of all you ever suspected about El Paso honchos and what they’re involved in: conspiracy, deprivation of honest services, bribery, and false statements to obtain credit. I’ve had contractors come to my house conspiring to obtain credit by way of outrageous down payments, and lying through their teeth about their competence, licenses, insurance and the time of day they’d show up for work.

The “alleged co-conspirators” in this case, and others whose names will no doubt come to light (by flashing police car lights, that is), make po-dunk contractors, who try to screw their own companies by offering jobs “on the side, for cheaper,” look like amateurs.

And so here we go with an updated version of the El Paso corruption link chart. It’s getting so complicated even I’m not sure if it’s accurate anymore. If anyone knows of any El Paso politician/judge/trustee/board member who is not under suspicion, let me know. It might be easier to make a link chart of El Paso honchos who are clean.

Clicky once to see a larger image. Clicky twice to super-size your order:

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Posted in El Paso, El Paso Politics, FBI, Law Enforcement, Politics | Comments Off

The Old Prospector Gets a Benz

Friday, August 22nd, 2008

OP, the Old Prospector, pulled up to my house in a brand spanking new E320 BlueTEC Sedan.

“Say, partner,” I said, “is that a Mercedes-Benz?”

“Yup,” he said. And then proceeded to tell me all about the 24-valve V-6 engine that delivers 210 horsepower, or something.

“Well, that sure beats your old mule,” I said.

OP only took offense for a second.

“Hell, man, I’m rich!” he declared, staring at me to see if I believed him.

I believed him because I saw the golf clubs sticking out of the trunk with the Coronado Country Club sticker on the bag.

“So have you gone West Side?” I asked.

He looked at me like I was dumb.

“I got a pay raise,” he said, eyeing my xeriscaped (i.e., cheap) front yard and my wood-and-plastic bench on the porch, and my ages-old Justin workboots. “Everyone’s doing it.”

It clicked.

Half of El Paso’s elected, appointed or self-annointed guv’mint officials are getting pay raises these days.

What with the ongoing FBI corruption investigation, I guess everyone who’s anyone on a potential court docket list is trying to grab what they can, just in case.

Just in case they need to relocate assets and asses to Mexico or Texaco or Aruba. Or any outlying outlet where the crazy local ruling body has no extradition treaty with the US, like North Korea or Austin.

I guess 30,105 extra clams will buy any under-suspicion County Commissioners Court member about six months of defense lawyer work, or a year’s protection in Juarez by a drug trafficking organization or, come to think of it, about 2/3 of a Mercedes-Benz E320 BlueTEC Sedan.

“Now, don’t you look at me like that,” said OP, as he ran an Armor-All cloth over the dashboard. “I’m not on the Commissioner’s Court. You know as well as I do that I wouldn’t qualify for that elite club.

“Hell, I’m too damn honest!”

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“Silver” Brings Home Some Homeland Security Bacon, Pork-Style

Thursday, August 7th, 2008

Maybe some of it will go to diminish flooding in 79932. DHS owns FEMA, too. Rep. Reyes announces nearly $6 million in security grants for El Paso.

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Posted in Border Insecurity, Border Security, Border Violence, Democrat, El Paso, Law Enforcement, Migration, Politics, Smuggling, Southwest Border | Comments Off

El Paso Corruption Update 22 Jun 2008

Sunday, June 22nd, 2008

The FBI El Paso corruption case keeps humming along. The latest conviction, that of Antonio “Tony” Dill, a lobbyist, made headlines last week. He plea-bargained out, admitting to bribing a member of the El Paso County Commissioners Court. Link chart (below) is appropriately updated.

I’d link to a good El Paso Times article from May 29th on U.S. District Judge Frank Montalvo’s disclosure that ‘more than 80 “persons of interest” have been linked to the investigation, including 35 past or current public officials, 13 lawyers and three current or former judges,’ but the Times’ extraordinarily-excellent archive system hides articles faster than the Air Force hid the Roswell alien bodies, and you can’t read the article out of the archives, or Google it, to save your alien body-hiding life.

Nonetheless, the center-of-gravity in this Venn Diagram-like arcade of corruption appears to be the odd construct known as the El Paso County Commissioners Court.

Newspaper Tree, which has a functioning archive system, reports on the Dill plea here.

The Old Prospector asked me by cellar phone the other day what the heck a lobbyist does anyway. “How does he make money off of urging people to do stuff?” OP asked.

“I don’t rightly know,” I said. “But if I urged you to lay off the cheladas at Acetunas would you give me five dollars?”

I couldn’t tell if the gurgling, snorting sounds coming out of the phone were laughter or anger.

Meanwhile, back on May 12th, Newspaper Tree’s David Crowder was trying to, in more cerebral terms than the Times staff had done previously, argue for more openness in the case. Well, that’s 3213 words a reader will never get back in his or her lifetime. OP told me on the phone that anytime media argues for more access, it just means they’re lazy.

“I know a thing or two about digging for gold,” he said, in a conspiratorial tone of voice that suggested he was talking to me out of a stall in the men’s room of a nearby bar on Doniphan. “And I ain’t never asked the guvmint to pint me towards the goal. I found what I found through my own hard work.”

I’d link to another Times article on Dill being out on bail quicker than you can say “Commissioners Court,” but hell, it’ll be “archived” soon enough.

“Archiving” by the Times is just another way citizens get El Paso’d around here.

OP later texted me from Acetunas. He was between sets in a karaoke showdown, having just won the narcocorrido competition before heading into the single-elimination Bee Gees Are Back retro-round. ‘Don Kirkatrick is blowing thng out of prportion.’ OP still hasn’t mastered texting on his Blackberry.

I texted him back: ‘Gt on ur mule and go hme.’ I’m no Blackberry hero either.

So here we go with another updated El Paso Corruption Link Chart:

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Posted in El Paso, El Paso Politics, El Paso Times, FBI, Law Enforcement, Media, MSM, Politics | Comments Off

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