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Welcome to the Real Super Tuesday

Tuesday, March 4th, 2008

Now, Taxes Texas is a major player on the presidential election scene. Today, Texans have a chance to sink the awful, scheming, ueber- connected Hillary and disinfect American against the odious Billary virus (corruptococcus malignus) that has afflicted America since 1992.

By praying at the Shrine of the Virgin de Chicago or by putting on lip balm and kissing the Arizona A**hole, voters can pick a wrong to make a preliminary right. From a political standpoint, that’s astute, right now and right here, in Texas, the greatest Republic God ever bestowed on America.

Today should be the end of Hillary-Billary-Bill, and that’s a good thing.

To pre-celebrate the outcome, we present three selections from our archives. Cover your eyes and clicky on each pic for vomit-inducing goodness.

First up, our would-be notorious Hillary World-Class Genius poster post. This was taken from a quote during Bill’s gin days on the campaign trail, before his handlers watered down his drinks and stopped inviting women to his after-parties.

Next up, we have the clearly-obvious comparison between Her Mafianess and a real movie Mafia don.

Finally, to complete our Hillary Triptych, we present our piece de resistance, Deliverance Hillary. This work was lauded by Guy de Michiflorida Delegate du Superb as a “telling, consciousness-inspiring representation of the mindset of a lawsuit-threatening, desperate campaign apparatchik intent on suborning the will of the voting people, in the manner of Soviet Russia, or the Democrat Party. Or, how a Redneck makes his or her political enemy squeal like a pig while being abused.”

Meanwhile, at the the time of this writing, Customs and Border Protection helicopters are flying near the homestead, low and fast up and down the Rio Grande Valley. They flit back and forth, like giant dragonflies. Must be a drug movement, to get that kind of attention. Politicians are campaigning in Austin and San Antonio, pondering the larger picture, and here, on the border, people are looking up at the helicopters and looking into the darkness across the border, and wondering when the drug loads will come and when the gunfire will spit rounds into their back yards. And they stand in their back yards drinking Tecate beer and they take the locks off their rifles and wonder who will burn rubber through the neighborhood tonight — the runners or the law?

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Posted in Democrat, Humor, Liberal, Parody, Politics, Satire | Comments Off

Reyes & Hillary, Sitting in a Tree…

Sunday, February 3rd, 2008

…endorsing the duo of Billary.

Too early, we think. “Silver” has made mistakes before, but shooting from the hip hasn’t often been one of them. Guess he made some calculations on which candidate would serve his career interests better. He originally endorsed Bill Richardson, but that didn’t pan out, so Reyes moved on.

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Real Women of Genius #1: Hillary Clinton & Her Postcard Maker

Saturday, January 5th, 2008

Recently, former President Bill Clinton touted his wife as a “world class genius.”

One wonders what a non-world class genius looks like.

Suitably Flip notes that the “world class genius” handed out Iowa caucus postcards with the wrong voting date on it.

And that’s where we come in.

With a tip of the hat to the brilliant American cultural references in the Real Men of Genius commercials, we present our first Hillary Clinton Real Women of Genius ad. Today’s target: whoever made up the Clinton Iowa Caucus Postcards.

Ms Iowa Caucus Postcard Maker
Politics Lite Presents: Real Women of Genius
     (Real Women of Genius)
Today we salute you, Ms Iowa-Caucus-Postcard-Maker
     (Ms Iowa-Caucus-Postcard-Maker)
You spent years in art school, and minored in Political Science and Women’s Studies
     (Gotta stick it to the Man!)
Breaking through the glass ceiling to become Art Director at the local copy shop.
     (Full-color and two-sided!)
When the opportunity came to make up a campaign postcard, you jumped on it like a Code Pink hero on a wounded soldier.
     (Hit F7 for spellcheck and print 10,000 copies!)
Too bad the copy shop still had that January 1987 calendar on the wall.
     (But I like the liberal themes in it!)
So crack open an ice-cold brewski, Gregorian genius. You know the way to conservatives’ hearts—by giving them more Red, White & Blue ammunition.
     (Ms Iowa-Caucus-Postcard-Maker)

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Posted in Democrat, Humor, Liberal, Parody, Politics, Satire | Comments Off

Beauchamp’s Fictions and The New Republic’s New Fictions

Saturday, December 1st, 2007

Remember Scott Beauchamp? The soldier who wrote stories from the Middle East, about things like mocking a disfigured woman in a chow hall, running over a dog and wearing pieces of baby skull under helmets? The tales never rang true, but the editors of The New Republic ran with them like crack addicts looking for more baking soda. Now that TNR has posted a whinging, non-apology, Franklin Foer is your editorial man of the hour whose self-effacing pen is less mighty than his apparent ego. And that’s why there’s already a new movie out (click below for poster-sized parody goodness):

Others:
Patterico here and here.
Michelle Malkin.
Instapundit.
Powerline steals my poster title before I even publish it. Sheesh! Would that TNR or Mainstream Media were this fast.
Pajamas Media’s Bob Owens.
Redstate.
NewsBusters promises more to come.
Six Meat Buffet.
Docweasel.
Hot Air.
Rightwing Nuthouse.
Blue Crab Boulevard rounds up a ton of links.
A Blog For All.
Jules Crittenden.
Gina Cobb.
Free Republic.
Media Matters.
Melanie Morgan links to Michelle Malkin.
And the final word (as so often) comes from Iowa Hawk.

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Posted in Humor, Liberal, Parody, Politics | 5 Responses »

Democrat Poster Contest

Sunday, November 25th, 2007

Michelle Malkin is hosting a Democrat poster contest. A must-see, and Terry Barker’s entry is plain creepy. I think the contest winner gets to move to a red state.

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Greenpeace’s New Ad

Saturday, November 24th, 2007

Greeneace recently put out an ad warning people about what goes down the drain in your house.

Here’s the original.

And here’s our parody:

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Posted in Humor, Liberal, Parody | Comments Off

11 August 2007: Your Weekend RSS Update

Saturday, August 11th, 2007

Here we are with another roundup of items of interest, guaranteed to feed your RSS reader like a Porterhouse down the gullet of a high-heeled cowboy boot wearing bribe-taker. No. Please stay. The references are only as dumb as they sound.

EL PASO FBI CORRUPTION CASE:
Lawyer Martie Jobe’s got issues. [Hat Tip: Newspaper Tree.]

Former First Southwest Company’s Hector Zavaleta Jr, may have been working for the G-Men, sez someone from out of state. Ermm, OK. Next.

Did not know until last week that the El Paso Times has a players list and timelines of events in the corruption case. You can find it here.

From the Department of Non-story Departments, Ramon Bracamontes of the El Paso Times tells us that speculation and rumors abound at the El Paso County Courthouse after the May FBI raid. What — civil servants engaged in speculation and rumor, possibly on company time? Say it ain’t so, Ramon! What’s next, goofing off, watching TV, surfing the Internet and updating resumes???

EL PASO’S SPINNING WHEELS OF JUSTICE: District Clerk Gilbert Sanchez says the wheels of justice are running off the rails over at the County Attorney’s Office. That assumes that justice on the Border had wheels to begin with.

ILLEGAL IMMIGRANT KILLED IN EL PASO: He’d not been shot at the 28 previous times he unlawfully entered the US. Bonus: The loopy Border Network for Human Rights appears.

USBP AGENT CHARGED WITH MURDER IN ARIZONA: County Judge takes action against the Feds over there.

WELL, DUH: A Mexican narco linked to Osvaldo Aldrete-Davila of shot-in-the-butt-ocks fame has pleaded guilty to operating a Davila drug stash house. Limp-a-long Davila, of course, gained fame and free Army medical care when he got plugged in an incident with USBP Agents Ramos and Compean, who were notorious for their selfless service to the Constitution. US Attorney Johnny Sutton remains involved up to his butt-ocks in this continuing border scandal, in particular trying to sort out whether Davila took a drug load through a Port-of-Entry while he enjoyed his federally-granted status as a quasi-US citizen.

SOME DAY MEXICAN COPS MAY SHOOT ILLEGAL MEXICANS IN THE US: Santa Fe will hire Mexican nationals as law enforcement officers. Based on what goes on in Mexico with cops, that won’t end well. On the other hand, if you’re feeling insecure about wandering around Santa Fe, you’ll be able to hire a cop off his beat for about sixty bucks as your armed guard, same as in Juarez.

UNFORTUNATE: An immigration attorney teaching at West Point mischaracterizes what servicemembers fight for. It’s not the government they defend, but rather the Constitution. [Hat Tip: Bender’s Immigration Bulletin.

ASARCO STINKS IN MORE WAYS THAN ONE: Asarco, the once-and-future smelting plant on the West Side of El Paso, has spent thousands on local radio ads proclaiming how its operation will create four hundred or so jobs for the three-quarter million El Pasoans to choose from. Perhaps one of those jobs will be tax attorney.

AND THERE’S MORE THAN ONE WAY TO POLLUTE EL PASO: Don’t sneak away from the campfire just yet, Tigua Indians. If you paid your taxes, the State of Texas might be more lenient about your desperate desire to fleece grasping Hispanics and Gringos at that casino you so badly want.

IS IT XXXXXX RESTAURANT FOR BRIBE-ISTA BETTI FLORES? Someone said it is a BBQ place in town. I don’t know, even though a waitress in one well-known place offered me all the free Mountain Dew I want for 25 cents. And an extra half-rack of ribs for just a dollar. I keed. But honestly, $10k for a vote? That’s chump change, even in a burg where the median income is something like a thousand pesos, or something.

GOOD FENCES MAKE GOOD NEIGHBORS: Except on the Southwest Border. El Paso Times ran an article on Border Patrol workers who repair vandalized or destroyed fence portions along the border. Can’t find it now, but a simple fact for politicians to ponder remains: It takes far more resources to maintain an initiative than it does to implement it. Starting up something just to win an elections means you might have to slog throught the boring side of politics to keep it going, especially if it’s a Bill, say, or a bridge that has your first and last name on it.

HANDS ACROSS THE BORDER FENCE: Opponents of a border fence announced sixteen days of protests. El Paso mayor John Cook is joining forces with 4 Borders Pundit’s favorite loopy locals, the Border Network for Human Rights, to protest, umm, something. None of the participating groups have offered any concrete solutions, methinks, because none of those mentioned in the article seem to have any kind of overarching, holistic expertise on the intricacies of border life, to say nothing of figuring out what to do with those irksome illegals who go after Border Patrol agents with bolt-cutters and get shot to death for it.

HOW TO KILL OFF RESTAURANTS: Govern them to death. Business and liberal-left politics don’t mesh well, which leads to, well, hungry dining-outers with a Bay Area attitude. I keep saying, the bottom line trumps naively optimistic tulips-and-May Day dancing, every time. The two are as incompatible as Western boots and stiletto heels.

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Posted in ASARCO, Border Insecurity, Border Violence, Democrat, El Paso, Environment, Juarez, Liberal, Migration, Politics, Southwest Border | Comments Off

21 July 2007: Your Weekend RSS Update

Sunday, July 22nd, 2007

Delayed a day due to reading an important book recently released…

FBI EL PASO CORRUPTION CASE:
The El Paso Times subtly describes El Paso judge Cobos’ new Chief of Staff in the headline. Way to gobos, Cobos.

Honestly, is there any other city in America where a social and political gadfly — who loses more than he wins — succeeds in landing a six-figure job in a burg after calling the FBI the “Gestapo” and where the median income is $22,600? What was Cobos thinking? That the oh-so-politically-savvy Perez is astute enough to delink Cobos from the ongoing investigation? Led by, you know, “the Gestapo” that Perez so clearly despises?

Five’ll get you ten that both take a fall. Odds are even on who is the bigger masochist.

Newspaper Tree has a few thoughts on Perez here and here. Stay tuned to Newspaper Tree for an interesting examination of WikiPedia entries on Cobos and others. And alterations. And more entries. Local talk board The Strelz started the conversation.

El Paso Times has writers’ blogs. Bet you didn’t know that. You may not have even wanted to know that. There’s a fella called Charlie who publishes Charlie’s Angles. Geddit? He weights in on Perez’ hiring here.

Now, onto good El Paso news. I’m sorry, did I write “good news?” My bad: Ysleta Independent School District Trustee Milton “Mickey” Duntley apparently got his son hired by NCED as a political favor. Political favor? Well, yeah, but only because one of the intercepted emails said that. And then not fired. And then, this was allegeldy in exchange for a vote on a multi-million dollar contract. If true, they go cheap in El Paso.

The link chart for all this is: here.

STINKING UP THE BORDER:
With all the silly politicking going on around here, you’d think enough sewage had been spilled in the desert. Apparently not.

The case of USBP agents Jose Compean and Ignacio Ramos continues to generate news and look-sees by people who ought to be look-seeing. This case has stunk from the beginning, though it’s not a stink like Duke University or sludge in Sierra Blanca. It’s a federal, US Attorney kind of stink. At the end of the day, I think we’ll all be wondering whether Bush fired the right US Attorneys, didn’t fire enough US Attorneys, or whether Jaime Perez could have prevented anything if he was other than a social and political gadfly.

If the political stink in the Chihuahuan Desert is too much, I think this might be the cure. Desert rats may do well to buy vinegar futures in the next 180.

Hey, if it dissolves corns, it might dissolve the corny antics of these local border pols. Because when local politicians go so cheap, politicians will go to the hoosegow easy, thanks to the efforts of our federal law enforcement agencies who aren’t so easily corrupted.

THE POLITICAL DANCE:
Mexico’s Ambassador to the US Arturo Sarukhan slags off some old Fox administration gems: the border maps and migration handbooks passed out to border crossers. First I’ve seen of a Mexican official admitting to the country’s contradiction in how it treats its citizens desiring to go north, and how it treats Central Americans desiring to go north.

I get the feeling that Congressman Reyes likes earmarks and perks from military support, but is just plain scared of foreign policy. Here, he toes the Pelosi line on al Qaeda. Best laugh-out-loud line: “There is no room for partisan politics in the realm of national security.”

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Posted in Border Patrol, Democrat, El Paso, Law Enforcement, Liberal, Politics | Comments Off

Your Weekly RSS Feed Roundup

Saturday, June 2nd, 2007

A few thoughts on items from the week’s RSS feed:

El Paso Feeb Update: Regarding the ongoing white-collar crime investigation in El Paso, an ace reporter at El Paso Times is quick to reassure the nervous public that suspects’ jobs are safe for the time being. Thanks for covering that angle, David Crowder. I wonder why No Job Left Behind safe jobs is on your mind. Could it be the SF Chronicle downsizing that has you worried?

Dirty Word Festival in El Paso: Hurry on down: They’re cooking up a 300-pound gordita in El Paso this weekend. Isn’t that a bad word?

University of California at Bhurkastan: Decidedly right-wing rag FrontPage has the skinny on the decidedly jihadist atmosphere at UC Irvine. I always knew there was a reason I didn’t want to go there as a student: I couldn’t stand the students. And, I couldn’t find Irvine on a map. Since I’ve traveled a lot, I think that means that Irvine doesn’t matter as a geolocale.

Monkeying Around at the GOP’s Call Center: If the apes working the phone lines (we hate all apes) aren’t bringing in the moola, fire ‘em. Don’t stop to consider why people are turned off to the Grand Old Party right about now. It’s always the messengers, not the message. Clearly, the GOP boys are in panic mode, and the firings underscore their desperation. They also underscore your chances of succeeding in government work if these clowns retain any semblence of power. I guess if the Elephunts fire enough underlings, they’ll figure things out. Just like when your ship is sinking and you panic: you toss overboard the bosun’s mates, the engineers, the fire control team, and the deckhands. But the ship still sinks and then it’s only you, Cap’n, and your first, second and third mates left to ponder why she hasn’t righted herself. Davy Jones’ locker awaits the idiots who pull stunts like this, and the ship will smash into the ocean floor in 2008.

ACLU Update: If there’s a political opportunity for the treasonous silly ACLU, they’ll take it. Seems the ACLU is supporting al Qaeda suspects who are suing Boeing for being flown away by the CIA on Boeing aircraft. That’s like a rat suing God for being carried away in the belly of a hungry cat. It’ll never fly, of course, and the rat is going to rightly die soon, but the ACLU seems to understand that publicity stunts bring in money. Moola. Dosh. And headlines. And web page hits. Too bad there aren’t other kinds of hits influencing the ACLU, an organization that stops just short of a kind of Goebbels-meets-Sheehan-with-a-law-degree attitude. Someone wipe the snot out of the ACLU’s childlike nose, please.

Latin Libido Update: Venezuela’s tin-foilt hat-wearing Hugo Chavez disgustingly climbs into bed with Hillary Clinton and charges that a vast “right-wing conspiracy” is after his guv’mint. The mental image made me throw up in my mouth a little bit. But why not Hot Hillary? I mean, he was all over Cindy Sheehan like ketchup on fries. If he can dig that stuff, then his “right wing conspiracy” message is nothing more, really, than an invitation to a Weekend in Caracas for the obviously-single (and implicitly-divorced) Hil of the Hill.

Barber Shop Blues: Finally, John “Breck Girl” Edwards gets $400 haircuts. Why can’t his– ahem –intellectual better Al Gore see a better barber?

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Posted in Democrat, El Paso, El Paso Times, FBI, Law Enforcement, Liberal, Media, Politics, Republican, Terrorism, USA | Comments Off

RSS Roundup 27 May 2007

Sunday, May 27th, 2007

Was there ever any question but that banning illegals from renting in the US would fail faster than a Democratic timetable for withdrawal from Iraq? Naturally, the ACLU was all over this — you’ve got to admire the Union’s ability to sniff out high-profile material for its own publicity purposes.

JihadWatch is all over the University of California at Irvine’s latest Muslim outrage. And I thought cinderblock statements were so 1970.

Yin, Yang and attorneys: This smacks of more clever backroom dealing than Dems are probably capable of pulling off. Ms Yang isn’t hurting anymore; shucks, plenty of people are leaving government service for better-paying jobs.

But barely making the news anymore: California Okie, allegedly grieving mother and Professional Nutroot Cindy Sheehan quits the Democrat Party. I don’t know what will be missed more: her heartfelt “grieving” for her son, expressed only in politicking, or her (literally) attachment to Hugo Chavez and Jesse Jackson. Sheehan is up for the “Tool of the Decade” award, you know. And her meds haven’t helped her one dang bit.

The French military may be a joke to some, but they’re really a competent fighting force once they get unshackled by their snotty, and usually cowardly, politician overlords. Watch some shackled troops let off steam here.

This goat needs a 12-step program to get off his addiction, as do so many Democrats who keep “embracing the suck” and licking electricity. Will the Dems get any smarter than this goat?

Tired of staid American politics, where the men are dumb when not corrupt and the women wear that Beltway fashion thing of red-colored jackets and pearl chokers? YesButNoButYes points us to Belgium, where things are perking up.

One gets weary: Dems, local pols and libel. Say anything, Dems, and keep saying it.

Digger’s Realm posts a lot on immigration and border security issues, but this Pew Hispanic Center datapoint is off-base. Fact is, most migrants go back and forth between the US and their home countries (usually Mexico and Central America). It’s a stat thing, and it’s enormously hard to get accurate figures on the number of illegals in the US.

US News & World Report thinks illegals don’t contribute to society (in the form of taxes and so on) what they remove from it. That’s contrary to what I studied a long time ago, in a far away university. Times may have changed, however. Used to be, illegals didn’t take advantage of things like medical insurance and drivers licenses.

In case you, Whitey, are feeling a nostalgia for a lifestyle you never knew — that of your Caucasoid ancestors across the pond — there is always something popping up in the news to remind you of how misguided you are. Whether its thousands dead in France because doctors were on summer holiday, or thousands dead in the Balkans because democracy was on holiday, you can always rest assured that whitey’s grass isn’t always greener. Naples, Italy, shows us how right now.

Pining for a good book? How about drug-addled horses with racially-stereotyped names getting high wit’ it ‘n’ shit? For children only.

No, I’m not kidding:

Now that’s a corral I wanna stable with. ‘N’ shit.

And finally, to end on a good note, the bovinian influence of that Mad Cow, Rosie O’Donnell, won’t sully your TV screens for the time being. The depressed, medicated and overrated hay-chomper has quit ABC’s “The View.”

What, she had a show on Australian TV??

Someone on the show named Hasselbeck didn’t see eye-to-fat with the pudgy plebian princess O’Donnell. So who won? The medicated one? Not. I don’t know if H is the grinning skinny blonde or the one with the cheekily-tossed off-red hair like an extra from “Golden Girls.” And I don’t care. All I want to see is Rosie and Paris Hilton in the same jail cell, starring in the same B-movie. Something about exploitation, prison discipline, midnight PT and dungarees, I think.

UPDATE: The Nose on Your Face draws a connection to a recent news event that will make you laugh or make you puke a little in your mouth.

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Posted in Californistan, Democrat, Humor, Liberal, Migration, Politics, Republican, USA | Comments Off

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