Six Meat Buffet weighs in on Sheryl Crow’s recent TP-in-mouth event. PoliPundit provides the background. The Smoking Gun has the goods on Crow’s eco-friendly, paper-minimized needs backstage for each show.

Yours truly offers the new song below (thanks, Six Meat Buffet for the publicity).

UPDATE: Riehl World View contributes to Crow’s new album.

UPDATE II: Michelle Malkin is covering. Read the comments.

All I Wanna Poo
(sung to the tune of Sheryl Crow’s, “All I Wanna Do”)
 
Wipe it!
This ain’t no latrine
It ain’t no restroom either
This is WC!
 
“All I wanna do is wipe a little more before I die,”
Says the man next to me coming out of the loo
It’s apropos
Of nothing
He says his name’s Chertoff but I’m sure,
He’s George or Dick or Karl or Albert
And he’s plain wasteful to me
And I wonder if he’s ever had less than a roll of TP in his whole
life
We’re buying toilet paper at noon on Tuesday
In a store that faces an Enron building
The good people of the world are wiping their hineys
On their lunch break, wiping and over-using
As best they can in skirts in suits
 
They buy their fancy Charmins and Coronets
Back at the Wal-Mart, the grocery store too
Well, they’re nothing like Chertoff and me, cause
 
Chorus
All I wanna do is wipe my ass
I got a feeling this roll ain’t gonna last
All I wanna do is wipe my ass
I got a feeling this roll ain’t gonna last
All I wanna do is wipe my ass
Until the sun comes up over my gas-guzzling bus
 
I like a concert tour early in the morning
And Chertoff likes to ride along
With his cases of Soft Weave
He unrolls them on the bar
Then he separates each square
Putting each one on the bar with his thick fingers
before counting and handing them out
And he’s watching the squares of Scott as the roadies take
them away
 
And a Soft Weave vendor enters a store
Waving coupons and clean hands
The manager looks up from his paper samples
 
Chorus
 
Otherwise the bus is ours,
The other bus and the roadie bus and the 18-wheelers too
The carbon offsets aren’t enough to buy all the clean diesel
fuel
And I’d like the sun and the moon but
 
Chorus